Are you tired of reading that old cliché: “think of yourself first, because you deserve it”? Or worse still, a suggestion to leap out of your comfort zone, and invest thousands of pounds on yourself to then “watch the world open up for you”? So, if this kind of speel doesn’t resonate well with you, or you don’t feel comfortable turning the spotlight on yourself in this way, it’s probably because you are perfectly content with yourself and your ‘lot’ at the moment. Maybe, just maybe, you’ve enjoyed some quality time this summer after a mad year! ost recently, one of those on “concentrating on getting quality of life”. To be honest, it troubled me. It talked about not making lesser choices when you can make better ones. I quite like the idea, but only as long as it’s within your real means! I cringe at Marketing Coaches who continue to promote extravagance and out-of-reach spending. Some even try to work how you can raise the money for one of their lavish programmes, when it can seriously break the bank. What’s more, by the end of the programme, you might feel so dependent on it that you have to sign up for the next course, for fear of losing everything you’ve learned…and so it goes on!  Are you also tired of seeing pictures of champagne, or snapshots of beautiful scenes in the sun that make you long for something more when there is so much else to be getting on with – when there is so much more going on in the world? “Surround yourself with the best that life has to offer”, the article goes on to say, and again, I felt ashamed even at the thought of too much of that!  As I continued reading, I decided to put another spin on my unhealthy thoughts, as I felt myself spiraling, and I began thinking about what really matters right now! September for me is like the month of January, except it feels so much more exciting.   I’ve finally had the opportunity to see my family, after so many months of travel restrictions; I’ve enjoyed some sunshine, the countryside and been by the sea. I’ve eaten well, drunk my glasses of champagne, and with the year ahead, I know what to do and I know how to achieve it… …not just for me, but for people around me, for my clients, and my followers.   Planning my 2021 – 2022 calendar is where I’m at right now! I will include my health goals, budgeting, my financial investments, my business goals, personal goals, development goals, fun and exercise goals, and some big creative projects too – both personal and professional. I will consider everybody around me…my family, my friends as well as myself! Doesn’t that sound a little healthier than… …“Put the spotlight on yourself because you are worth it”? I feel happier with this approach because I’m tired of this ‘me, myself, and I’ push-pull from coaches campaigning for selfishness whilst emptying wallets.  We can focus on what we need as individuals to function to the best of our abilities, to manage ourselves and way beyond. However, we must use a ‘whole picture’ vision, in a way that makes 360° planning easy, efficient and selfless. You’ll see that… …it’s not all about “me”, it never has been and never should be.  If you are interested in a pragmatic and creative way to produce 360°-year planning this year; then contact me for: Personal Coaching Use your energy wisely. Let’s paint that blank canvas while you’re feeling fresh, motivated and ready to go. You can make an appointment immediately and your session with me will be quick, efficient, selfless and what’s more, it won’t break the bank! At deborahrussellcoaching, we work together: Personal Coaching Not quite sure? Book in a free strategy session here, and let’s have a conversation without any obligation: Contact Us Are you ready to be coached? Try my Coaching questionnaire to learn more about yourself here: Assessment Questionnaire. Deborah Russell is a Professional Certified Coach- PCC – an accredited member of the International Coaching Federation (ICF). She is a Master Practitioner in MBTI and Energy Leadership (ELI).  About Us #planning #goalsetting #vision #leadership #motivation

It is an extraordinary and unique relationship designed to create a significant impact and sustainable results in ALL areas of a person’s life. It’s a powerful process uniquely designed to create lasting change. It is a profession and one that offers highly qualified experts. Because of the extraordinary benefits of the coaching relationship, to both client and coach, even at a virtual level, it’s no surprise that the demand is bigger than ever for good authentic coaches. It’s not Consulting and it’s not Counselling. While consulting is about the Consultant delivering the right answers, coaching is about the Coach asking the right questions whilst empowering clients to create their own customized and personal solutions and become the drivers of their own success. Through improved communication focus and accountability, coaching dramatically increases clients capacity to accomplish better results on their own. It does not deliver a single solution; it permanently increases the client’s own ability to repeatedly develop solutions. “coaching is about the Coach asking the right questions” Coaching is not Counselling.  Counselling aims to heal mental psychological issues and often examines past events. It usually centres on diagnosing a problem that needs to be addressed. Coaching involves no such diagnosis and in fact, coaches only see opportunities not problems. Coaches shift the focus from why to how. Coaching is very results-oriented, maintaining a focus on the current situation, and actively developing future plans. Counselling focuses on helping people to live functional lives. Coaching focuses on helping functional people live extraordinary lives.  “Coaches shifts the focus from why to how” Coaching methods. There is even a difference between coaching methods – and the results they deliver! All coaching works to a great extent but the Core Energy Coaching process takes coaching to a whole new level. One reason why the Core Energy Coaching process is so effective is that it draws upon what works well in consulting and counselling and other helping modalities and combines them into a process that’s incredibly effective and transformational. Holistic. Consulting is great at giving clients answers to specific challenges in only ONE aspect of a client’s life. A Professional and Certified Coach recognises that everything is connected and that making a change in one area without considering the effect of that change and the transition in other aspects of life, does not give the best chances for success. The Core energy coaching process explores the intricate and ever-changing Holistic perspective of every client’s life. Future Focused.  Counselling and therapy work on healing past issues. The past cannot be ignored – after all, what happened in the past makes clients who they are today.  Core Energy coaching helps clients visit the past to identify and remove barriers to taking positive action, something that many individuals accomplish only after years of therapy. Is it useful to stay attached to the past and let that influence your success and happiness today? No! A skilled Core Energy Coach makes clients aware of how the past shapes the present – and helps them to move to the future they desire. Change or transition, what is the difference? The change/transition distinction is not sufficiently clear today. Change is your move to a new city or your shift to a different job, or to no job. It’s the birth of your new baby or the death of your mother. It’s the replacement of your Manager or the acquisition of your company or the merger with another. So change is situational but a transition, on the other hand, is psychological it is not about those events but it is about the inner re-orientation and self-redefinition that you have to go through in order to incorporate any of those changes into your life. Take a house move for example the change is the transference of the furniture; the transition is the acceptance and adaptation to the change and without that, the change will not work. You can get set for the change to retirement by making financial preparations and creating a few interests without preparing yourself for the experience of being in transition. A Transition Coach accompanies you through this process and prepares you from every aspect of your life! To experience how Coaching could support you in your transition from where you are now to where you need to be, I invite you to book a 30 minute complimentary strategy/exploratory call and let’s have a conversation – https://deborahrussellcoaching.as.me/freestrategy. OR for more information on how I could support you please go to my website on deborah@deborahrussellcoaching.com.

Moving on from my film series on abusive behaviour, I’m going to be looking at what you should know about Highly Sensitive People (HSPs).  The word Empath comes to mind too and this is another increasingly more common word for such a type of person.  Some people may describe this type of person as someone who is rather emotional, or delicate even, which may draw negative feelings for some employers but there is so much more to gleam from this person and that’s what I want to talk to you about today. I’m going to be providing you with an overall insight into what It’s like to be a HSP, you might recognise yourself or somebody who works or even lives with you. It will be a way for Leaders to see HSPs in a different and potentially more positive light.  If you are somebody who has ever said in the past that you wouldn’t employ an HSP, then think again, because these are people who are extremely important in your team.  Here are some key words that I’ve used to simply describe an HSP. These words are emotional, tuned in, susceptible, sensible, delicate, careful and easy. Emotional: Of course this means that you have somebody who can not only exhibit emotion, but they can be marked by it and appeal to it, as well as arouse emotion. Imagine if you had a team of people where none of them were able to show sadness or fear at anybody’s loss, where all of them were unaffected by poor results or feedback and where they were all unsupportive to anybody who was struggling in the team. Tuned in: A HSP will be very sharp in using eyes and ears to sense the true picture and will quickly pick up what others don’t. They will rapidly tap into good or bad energy, coming from anybody and sense if things are going well, or not so well. They will notice who is engaged or distracted and be able to encourage as well as demonstrate positive energy in a room. They will distinguish between lies and truth. Susceptible: In the positive sense of the word an HSP is capable of undergoing something that requires time, effort and a lot of patience, they will really stick at something. Sensible: An HSP will be reflective and will more often than not use this attribute to encourage as well as exhibit and act with very good judgement. They are willing to go against the trends that others would normally follow. They often have the ability to predict how things will turn out. Delicate: An HSP or Empath may have a finicky distaste for something offensive or improper; a Leader could use this to his advantage. If for example there were some bullying or abusive behaviour, they would be quick to notice. Careful: An HSP is someone who is cautious and thorough, and who would take on responsibility in a way which is protective of the outcome or the end results. Easy: Having an HSP in the team would cause little hardship or distress, they have an ability to handle being alone, are usually incredibly creative, they are generally easy going and straightforward to manage, … once you’ve got to know them. Who do you know who might be a highly sensitive person or an Empath and is perhaps already in your team or in your vicinity and who’s potential has not been explored or is perhaps not being fully understood?

Our responses to Covid (both physical and mental) are as varied as our individual reactions to the vaccines. For some, it’s no change, for others it has had some effect, for many it has left mind turmoil and some brain fog. The transition through Covid times takes different forms.  What have you noticed? Asking some questions to yourself helps bring answers and having a discussion with some probing questions which are imaginary is even more powerful. Just imagine this conversation with your younger being. What would you be saying back? “Where are you at now then?”  “Why are you doing what you are doing?”  “Is it ok?”  “So, define ok!” “Where do you think you need to be?”  “Why?” “Where will you feel really happy?” “Why there and what does there look like in words?” “How far are you from that place?” “What should you do to get there?” “How will you know when you are there?” “Can you draw me a picture of there?” Simple conversations that matter! Deborah Russell, Professional Certified Coach, ICF Visit my website: https://www.deborahrussellcoaching.com/  Contact me by mail: deborah@deborahrussellcoaching.com

I’ve been talking to a lot of people recently about their Covid stories, how they are affected, how they are feeling, what has changed for them, what is getting in their way today, what obstacles were there even before Covid, that are still present today? Many had never experienced a coaching relationship and I thought it useful to express in more depth what it actually is. Many think that a Coach is another word for a Consultant or a Professional advisor.  If you have been in a successful coaching relationship, you will know the advantages of being part of the process. You will know that it not only boosts self-confidence, improves work performance, and builds effective communication skills, but the returns on personal investment of this kind can be even greater and more specific in:  establishing a real drive towards achieving one’s own objectives. forming an engagement and purpose so strong where the synergy becomes the driving force for creativity #creativity taking self-awareness as well as learning to a fundamentally deeper level #mindfulness having a safe and calm space to talk through sensitive issues where your Coach is uninvolved, enabling some perspective without feeling intimidated. understanding how you are perceived by others and how that affects your relationships, progression, and advancement to future roles. #relationships developing skills presented by the coach and applying them in new situations within your safe learning space. providing guided support in skill building not only in communication but in delegation, conflict management, team motivation and difficult relationships. #abuse  “Each step you take reveals a new horizon. You have taken the first step today, now I challenge you to take another”. Dan Poynter If you are interested in learning more about how coaching can benefit you or individuals in your organisation, request a free 20-minute consultation here. #productivity Contact | Deborah Russell Coaching Deborah Russell Coaching If you wish to: Book your free 20 minute consultation Book your ELI assessment Discuss your requirements Request further information Contact me on 0033 (0) 6 79 01 46 20, email deborah@deborahrussellcoaching.com or complete the contact form. You can…

In a very open and broad discussion between Human Resources and other Team Leaders, we chewed over the difficulties that were being experienced between some departments, that were clearly due to cultural and language barriers. A complete mismatch of comprehensions amongst a number of cultures in different teams was just causing havoc.  How can you get around this? Is it really an issue that can be solved? It’s easy to add blame to someone else and point at the fact that they are Austrian or German or Italian and suggest that their way of dealing with an issue might be different from a French National for example. It’s also easy to blame the confusion and misinterpretations onto the language that’s being spoken, particularly if it is not your first or second language. But blame creates toxicity and bad feeling and is transmitted both passively and abusively. And now that many of us are talking on zoom, we have even more chance of misunderstandings as the quiet ones stay quiet.  We live in such a multi-cultural society; it is inevitable that confusion and misjudgments do happen. Here are some simple tips to reduce poor communication amongst teams and their members: Understand that functioning in multiple languages can be exhausting for those using them, so give each other some slack. Get your message across by writing in shorter sentences which makes the text easier to understand and use simpler vocabulary, no one is impressed by words they cannot understand. Keep your slides simple and to the point, “less really IS more”! Remember to use punctuation in your writing, it’s easy to get lost in translation of a language if the punctuation is missing. Use someone’s name, even mid-sentence, it makes it much friendlier and impersonal. Don’t assume everybody is familiar with your jargon and abbreviations. If you are receiving information verbally, repeat what you have understood, “so what you are saying is…” Don’t commit ‘assumicide’ by assuming that everybody understands YOU!  Pick up the phone and ask if there is anything not clear and discuss further if necessary. Avoid inbox overload; who actually needs a copy of what you are sending? Consider who really needs to be at any meeting? And who would benefit from a private one to one or satelite meeting? Smile when you are speaking to somebody, it makes connection so very much easier.

Has it been a tough week? Are you battling with a challenging relationship and you are just not getting through? Nothing you say gets the answers you are looking for and nothing you do gets the right feedback or recognition.  You’ve taken on yet a load more monkeys on your shoulder, and your priorities are such that you are dealing with fog and not focus. Time to take stock!  Answer these questions and use this process to find a solution that will work for you next week:- 1.      What has changed? 2.      Why am I feeling these emotions and frustrations? 3.      What can I do to take better control of them? 4.      Which of my top values is being challenged right now? (here are just some of the top values we are driven by and which get triggered: (Respect, communication, recognition, honesty, trust, accomplishment, clarity, creativity, freedom, excellence, integrity, connection, and many more). 5.      Which of my values has been open to the most triggers? 6.      How would it help to shift that value and make it less important at this moment in time? 7.      How well am I serving others with this feeling that I have? 8.      How well are others serving me? 9.      What ONE thing can I plan to change on Monday about how I am approaching this feeling?   10.  What ONE thing will I activate on Monday to take control over how I’m feeling today?  Now shelve that idea into your ideas book until after the weekend and think no more about it until Monday, then implement! “Have a safe weekend”!  Deborah Russell PCC, is an Executive Coach supporting Leaders dealing with challenging relationships. You can arrange a free call in confidence here: https://www.deborahrussellcoaching.com/contact-us/ and for more information about her work please go to her website: https://www.deborahrussellcoaching.com/ 

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world, rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”John Lennon Why be untouchable? We all have to face adversities – no one is immune to them or the fear that they bring to our door but we can use the resources we have within us to become untouchable to them.   Fear is a major driver of adversity – fear is something we think, (but we don’t know), is going to happen in the future. It hasn’t happened yet, it probably hasn’t happened before and the ridiculous thing is, we most likely can’t do anything about it anyway! When fear is enforced upon us from negativity, it sticks and has a catabolic effect, (one that is draining and toxic to others). Love is something different, it’s anabolic, (positive contagious energy), and most of us have experience of it and can relate to it as a feeling of freedom, light-headedness, and excitement, a sense of openness to new ventures and exploration. But when we can’t love, and we don’t know how to love ourselves, how can we embrace the love of others or even recognise it when it’s there – that’s a different article! A source of adversity At some stage in our lives, we have almost certainly all been exposed to some negativity or criticism, the effects of which have made us evaluate ourselves in that same light. We live in a flippant, critical and highly judgemental world where adversity attaches itself like rust on metal, like glue on wood and it creeps aggressively like ivy up a wall but all of those can be removed and the beauty of what is underneath will be exposed.  Adversity shows up in our energy every day, these are some common examples: Complaining about people or the weather: the rain, the cold, the heat, the sun…..when are we ever happy with the weather? Droning on about things we have no control over instead of seeing purpose in the decision that’s made and opening ourselves up for challenge.  Preparing for the worst scenario instead of searching for the best.  Judging things black and white, good or bad and being closed to a brighter vision. Here are 5 steps to overcoming adversity:- 1. Don’t boomerang Avoiding the temptation to respond automatically to something said – remain untouchable. This ONE skill will see the effects of an adverse situation diminish really quickly. It doesn’t matter what is being said, if you feel that you want to react… stop there! This is a river of crocodiles – EVACUATE that area with no reaction! Those voices will continue to banter in your head but only for a short time, and then they will dissipate into thin air because you’ve not given them the power they need to continue. Practice this! 2. Be ‘untouchable’ to negative vibes To avoid being brought down by long discussions about negative events requires you to back off and disconnect; it does take extreme discipline. Don’t join in, it’s very simple. Hit ‘delete’ and open another clean white page! There are plenty of bright and uplifting people around, they are the ones to connect with. People who make you feel good about yourself and those that provide you with support and joy; they’re the people that are in control of their life because they’ve constantly chosen to disconnect from events and people that don’t empower them. Who do you know like this? Are there any conversations you should disconnect from right away? Then save your energy and break off. 3. Urgent shuteye If you are experiencing a current of negative vibrations, then sleep! It will give your mind the rest it needs and allow you to escape from all the stories racing through your head, agitating and distracting. Try sleep first as 90% of the time it works; lack of sleep causes the brain to make rash and unfocussed decisions and can often be the cause of continuously draining and destructive thinking. If you can, take the time and learn how to meditate for 10 minutes a day. 4. Remember what matters! To become untouchable you have to be protected from negative phenomena, you must always keep your dream in sight. What can happen is that adversity can distract you from your dream and take you off course causing a nocebo effect. By going off course, you feel even more inverse emotions than you would otherwise have felt because you’re missing out on the fulfillment you get from your goals and personal dreams.     “You can become untouchable to adverse energy when you get into the habit of always going back to the thing that gets you out of bed in the morning” We teach what we most need to learn and one of the things I do to keep on course, certainly when I know I’m going ‘off piste’, is to remember what matters to me, which is to support and inspire other people through transition and personal development. That matters! It is my vision and my way of recovering when I feel like I’m falling in that river of crocodiles when I least expect to! 5. Find your room on the dance floor! Becoming steel-plated from adversity requires you to lose yourself when a negative wave of events hits your personal radar. Nature brings us back to the present and reminds us just how much beauty there is in the world when we just step outside ourselves. “Sometimes walking along the untrodden path can help us see a different world” Now I’m not suggesting that in a crowd you wander off in abandonment to watch the stars (if that’s what

Standing on the platform at Victoria station looking up at the destination board, a man called at me “where are you going love”, I wanted to say “I don’t know really, where do you recommend?” but then I laughed feeling elated at the kindness of the human mind, the spontaneity of thought, the curiosity of man and the speed at which we can be alone in our thinking and yet firmly connected to all that the universe provides. I’d felt alone, but human kindness had changed that thinking and how refreshing in such an environment of speed and bustle!  My thinking has turned to my recent reading of the three Principles of Mind, Consciousness and Thought and for this article in particular, Thought:  We know that there is nothing that comes behind Thought, it is unique to you and is what allows for the creation of all mental life; everything you think, perceive and feel. The Principle of Thought exists before your conceptual mind, it lies before or prior to any thoughts you hear in your head (those inner critical voices) and before any single one of your ideas or your beliefs (those blocks which cause procrastination and static behaviour) and also it lies before any label you attach to a person or a thing (your judgement). I thought about my day, my weekend and the changes that lay ahead and became quietly excited knowing that I have total control over the power of my thoughts, my light and my own creativity. The Principle of Thought allows you to look at the fact that the experience you feel is created from the energy within you. “Thought is not reality; yet it is through thought that our realities are created” – Sydney Banks The Principle of Consciousness allows you to look within towards the huge canvas of our awareness. The Principle of Mind allows you to look towards the source and intelligence within you that transcends your personal intelligence.  Next time I look up at a travel notice board (instead of my thinking ” I really do have navigational dyslexia”) I intend to think the thoughts that I am a vast being of limitless creativity, awareness and wisdom. I am my thoughts, my feelings, my behaviour and my body. It is normal for you to have thoughts about yourself, both positive and negative but it helps to realise that those thoughts you have are not ultimately true. When your thoughts become your identity, this becomes your ego.  Ego is a case of mistaken identity.  Finding your true self…Your true self is the dimension of you that does not come and go and that does not vary and when you identify with ego, you believe wholeheartedly that your concepts are true. Remember when you were a baby you were free of the contamination of your negative conceptual thoughts. Ego’s view of life is a conceptual view of life and concepts are interpretation. Take today’s digital world; how often do we witness the mishmash impact of interpretation?  Ego does not recognise that these are just made up ideas.                        Consider also that you might have the idea “ I am a good Manager” but “I can’t sing and I certainly can’t dance”.  An idea represents just one interpretation of an unlimited number of possibilities. It’s just a thought not a reality; it is an illusory reality that will change the moment it is replaced by another thought – the thought, “I can sing and I can dance” . One might add to that thought “well it’s going to take a long time”. I challenge you to question that thought with the thought “How true is that ”? Wedded to the Ego       When you become lock tight to your narrow and unsubstantial view of your conceptual mind you become positional, believing your view is the only view, the best view, or the fairest position. You stubbornly defend your view as the only right view, becoming stuck with this view, dogmatic and rigid, unwilling to change and arrogant in asserting that you are right and others are wrong. I believe that being wedded to ego’s world view is at the cause behind all personal, relational, political, international and religious conflicts and wars.  As you realise the nature of ego, you wake up to an expanded view of life, a sense of direction and a feeling of fulfilment.  Thank you to the kind man who inspired me at the station to share with you these three Principles of Mind, Consciousness and Thought  and a heartfelt tribute to Sydney Banks and authors of ‘Coming Home’. Deborah Russell, Certified Professional Coach, ACC, ELI – Master Practitioner. Deborah is a Transition Coach for Women. She will inspire you, reassure you, accompany you in moving forward in your inner evolution. Her own Life and former Business experience as a Manager in the Hospitality Business and a Working Mum in a Man’s World has become the driving force behind her passion to provide a professional and dedicated Coaching service that raises energy, creates a vision, activates a gear shift and gets things moving … www.deborahrussellcoaching.com  deborah@deborahrussellcoaching.com    

Here are 10 reasons why you may be feeling this way and 10 do-able suggestions. 1. You are not showing up daily with the highest possible level of energy, and if we measured your energetic profile, it may be revealingly low.

What can happen is that when you have few or very weak boundaries, you develop the amazing talent of self-denial and then compliance plays games with your self-respect and the respect that others have for you.

Both questions could mean the same thing when you are looking at pain positively and as some sort of gift. Have you ever dug deep and asked yourself about your childhood or queried who you are today?

This common but penetrable fear is one that is close to my heart and that of many others I come across. I was brought up with one parent in one country and one in another and although they adored each other and spent intermittent quality time together, they lived much of their lives apart.

How do you prefer to recharge you exhausted energy? By relaxing quietly by yourself or interacting with a group of friends? ooking at how you recharge or adversely deplete your ‘energy’ only begins to explain the difference between Introversion and Extroversion preferences.

“Obstacles can’t stop you. Problems can’t stop you. Most important of all, other people can’t stop you. Only you can stop you!” There was a time when I would become irritated when I read something like this, but the reality is that it’s true. I was hearing much relief about 2020 being behind us.

Relationships, whether they be private or professional are the source of considerable stress, but they are also our most powerful source of personal learning and development. Relationships make the most profound catalyst for insight and growth. On a spiritual or religious plane we are all one but on a physical plane.

Anxiety appears in several guises and with varied symptoms. It can affect you both physically and mentally and show up in how you behave. However, it’s not always obvious when anxiety is the cause of how you may be behaving differently.

Abusive relationships can play a dangerous part in our work relations and particular in a team environment. How do you deal with a bad apple in the cart i.e. a difficult member in a team that seems to be focussed on ruining your image, your reputation, and your good will? One of the most common challenges for leaders during their career is a relationship breakdown with someone in the workplace. Someone who has influence on a lot of others. Consider when you may have sensed a conflict with another person perhaps even senior to you, or a disconnect with a colleague or team member, where you have questioned why you see things so differently. If this is not dealt with quickly and sensitively it can have a ricochet effect on your own personal wellbeing and the business itself, none of which is healthy. “The answer is not to try and fix the other person“ The answer is NOT to try and fix the other person. The answer however is to look at yourself and rationalise what is going on. In these situations, if you want to create a change, that change has to start with YOU.  There is nothing pleasant about this process, it can hurt and you may need to demonstrate some vulnerability, but you will learn more about human behaviour than ever before, if you follow a different process other than to blame the other person. Ultimately if you want someone else to change their behaviour the critical thing to do first is to look at what you’re doing and look at how you can do that differently using an alternative framework. So ask yourself: What are your expectations? Do you think that people get motivated by doing things in the same way as you do? Wrong! They probably do not, so how can you get engagement from them? What is your tone of voice and what sort of language are you using? How is that coming across to the receiver? Have you ever asked anyone? How are you feeling about the person you are communicating to at the time? What difference would it make if you felt positive about the person or if you felt negative about him/ her? “build a better sense of connection and trust” These are just 3 important questions to ask yourself in this situation. Considering these questions and digging deep and honestly, will generally help you build a better sense of connection and trust – which is the foundation of any strong relationship either at work or at home. If you are currently trying to navigate a difficult relationship with someone in your workplace make sure you obtain the core learnings around this subject, you may be surprised at how quickly you can make the difference. Deborah Russell coaches women and men through transitions and life changes. “I strive to achieve fulfilment and harmony both at work and at home, believing passionately that they go hand in hand together. Coaching, as well as Teaching is my real passion for people – learn more from my website:-https://www.deborahrussellcoaching.com/ or ask for a fee strategy call by contacting me on: deborah@deborahrussellcoaching.com

One of the new ICF’s (International Coaching Federation) coaching competencies is – ‘Embody a Coaching Mindset’ and something came up for me whilst coaching one of my clients this week (let’s call him Simon). I’d like to share this experience: Simon had been talking for some time on a subject that he had said he was NOT going to discuss. After a very long and emotional time presenting his years of abuse and real deep bitterness and sadness for what had gone on, I found myself feeling some judgement creeping in as well as a fear that I was beginning to make a judgement. Years ago I might have thought “I know what he needs to do”…”I think I’ll just tell him” but no, I knew that I had to hold that space in silence and keep it a safe one to see what would come up next…  After what may have seemed like 2 minutes awkward and long silence, I instinctively shared what seemed to be coming up for my client and allowed him in his own time to correct me with a kind of, “that’s not it” “this is it” response. It was then that I knew that I had given the safest space for my client to correct me, and in doing so he had come up with his own conclusion with which to become more accepting and to shift some of that painful and negative energy he had been hanging onto. #abusiverelations The power of gentle and compassionate silence is a hugely effective way for anybody wanting to get the most out of a relationship with another person. If you are somebody who likes to get your word in and make your point because ‘being right’ is important to you, stop there…and listen … pause and then acknowledge what you have understood as best you can. Practise the power of silence and see the results. #emotionalintelligence #relationshipbuilding Deborah Russell PCC, is an Executive Coach supporting Leaders dealing with challenging relationships. You can arrange a free call in confidence on deborah russell’s contact-us page and for more information about her work please go to her website.

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world, rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”John Lennon Why be untouchable? We all have to face adversities – no one is immune to them or the fear that they bring to our door but we can use the resources we have within us to become untouchable to them.   Fear is a major driver of adversity – fear is something we think, (but we don’t know), is going to happen in the future. It hasn’t happened yet, it probably hasn’t happened before and the ridiculous thing is, we most likely can’t do anything about it anyway! When fear is enforced upon us from negativity, it sticks and has a catabolic effect, (one that is draining and toxic to others). Love is something different, it’s anabolic, (a positive contagious energy), and most of us have experience of it and can relate to it as a feeling of freedom, light-headedness and excitement, a sense of openness to new ventures and exploration. But when we can’t love and we don’t know how to love ourselves, how can we embrace the love of others or even recognise it when it’s there – that’s a different article! A source of adversity At some stage in our lives we have almost certainly all been exposed to some negativity or criticism, the effects of which have made us evaluate ourselves in that same light. We live in a flippant, critical and highly judgemental world where adversity attaches itself like rust on metal, like glue on wood and it creeps aggressively like ivy up a wall but all of those can be removed and the beauty of what is underneath will be exposed.  Adversity shows up in our energy every day, these are some common examples: Complaining about people or the weather: the rain, the cold, the heat, the sun…..when are we ever happy with the weather? Droning on about things we have no control over instead of seeing purpose in the decision that’s made and opening ourselves up for challenge.  Preparing for the worst scenario instead of searching for the best.  Judging things black and white, good or bad and being closed to a brighter vision. Here are 5 steps to overcoming adversity:- 1. Don’t boomerang Avoiding the temptation to respond automatically to something said – remain untouchable. This ONE skill will see the effects of an adverse situation diminish really quickly. It doesn’t matter what is being said, if you feel that you want to react… stop there! This is a river of crocodiles – EVACUATE that area with no reaction! Those voices will continue to banter in your head but only for a short time and then they will dissipate into thin air because you’ve not given them the power they need to continue. Practise this! 2. Be ‘untouchable’ to negative vibes To avoid being brought down by long discussions about negative events requires you to back off and disconnect; it does take extreme discipline. Don’t join in, it’s very simple. Hit ‘delete’ and open another clean white page! There are plenty of bright and uplifting people around, they are the ones to connect with. People who make you feel good about yourself and those that provide you with support and joy; they’re the people that are in control of their life because they’ve constantly chosen to disconnect from events and people that don’t empower them. Who do you know like this? Are there any conversations you should disconnect from right away? Then save your energy and break off. 3. Urgent shuteye If you are experiencing a current of negative vibrations, then sleep! It will give your mind the rest it needs and allow you to escape from all the stories racing through your head, agitating and distracting. Try sleep first as 90% of the time it works; lack of sleep causes the brain to make rash and unfocussed decisions and can often be the cause of continuously draining and destructive thinking. If you can, make the time and learn how to meditate for 10 minutes a day. 4. Remember what matters! To become untouchable you have to be protected from negative phenomena, you must always keep your dream in sight. What can happen is that adversity can distract you from your dream and take you off course causing a nocebo effect. By going off course, you feel even more inverse emotions than you would otherwise have felt because you’re missing out on the fulfilment you get from your goals and personal dreams.     “You can become untouchable to adverse energy when you get into the habit of always going back to the thing that gets you out of bed in the morning” We teach what we most need to learn and one of the things I do to keep on course, certainly when I know I’m going ‘off piste’, is to remember what matters to me, which is to support and inspire other people through transition and personal development. That matters! It is my vision and my way of recovering when I feel like I’m falling in that river of crocodiles, when I least expect to! 5. Find your room on the dance floor! Becoming steel plated from adversity requires you to lose yourself when a negative wave of events hits your personal radar. Nature brings us back to the present and reminds us just how much beauty there is in the world when we just step outside of ourselves. “Sometimes walking along the untrodden path can help us see a different world” Now I’m not suggesting that in a crowd you wander off in abandonment to watch the stars

Honoured to be invited to speak to the factory teams at Rolls Royce last year, I talked about how people ‘show up energetically’. We chatted around what happened when people were under a lot of stress; the physical and mental effects and how behaviour visibly changed. They discovered that they each had an Energetic Profile, and explored strategies to build it with impact. Questions arose on how to support those showing up at low levels. We unveiled how to make changes to produce higher results of productivity and the word ‘levels’ was bantered in the traditional ‘Friday drinks’ that evening. We discussed hiding behind our camouflage and identified with true joy, and what that looked like visibly! Then, a young technician asked: “Are there any Managers in the room?” Confident about the reply, I asked Managers to stand up; there were a good 20% of Managers present. What does that tell us about a need to be present today? More important than ever as we hide behind our masks and virtual platforms – perfect barriers to hide feeling and emotion. Managers… your team needs your visible presence and foryou to show your support to ACTION in today’s unknown. #emotionalawareness#impact

It is an extraordinary and unique relationship designed to create a significant impact and sustainable results in ALL areas of a person’s life. It’s a powerful process uniquely designed to create lasting change. It is a profession, and one that offers highly qualified experts. Because of the extraordinary benefits of the coaching relationship, to both client and coach, even at a virtual level, it’s no surprise that the demand is bigger than ever for good authentic coaches. It’s not Consulting and it’s not Counselling. While consulting is about the Consultant delivering the right answers, coaching is about the Coach asking the right questions whilst empowering clients to create their own customized and personal solutions and become the drivers of their own success. Through improved communication focus and accountability, coaching dramatically increases client capacity to accomplish better results on their own. It does not deliver a single solution; it permanently increases the client’s own ability to repeatedly develop solutions. “coaching is about the Coach asking the right questions” Coaching is not Counselling.  Counselling aims to heal mental psychological issues and often examines past events. It usually centres on diagnosing a problem that needs to be addressed. Coaching involves no such diagnosis and in fact coaches only see opportunities not problems. Coaches shift the focus from why to how. Coaching is very results oriented, maintaining a focus on the current situation, and actively developing future plans. Counselling focuses on helping people to live functional lives. Coaching focuses on helping functional people live extraordinary lives.  “Coaches shifts the focus from why to how” Coaching methods. There is even a difference between coaching methods – and the results they deliver! All coaching works to a great extent but the Core Energy Coaching process takes coaching to a whole new level. One reason why the Core Energy Coaching process is so effective is that it draws upon what works well in consulting and counselling and other helping modalities and combines them into a process that’s incredibly effective and transformational. Holistic. Consulting is great at giving clients answers to specific challenges in only ONE aspect of a client’s life. A Professional and Certified Coach recognises that everything is connected and that making a change in one area without considering the effect of that change and the transition in other aspects of life, does not give the best chances for success. The Core energy coaching process explores the intricate and ever-changing Holistic perspective of every client’s life. Future Focused.  Counselling and therapy work on healing past issues. The past cannot be ignored – after all, what happened in the past makes clients who they are today.  Core Energy coaching helps clients visit the past to identify and remove barriers to taking positive action, something that many individuals accomplish only after years of therapy. Is it useful to stay attached to the past and let that influence your success and happiness today? No! A skilled Core Energy Coach makes clients aware of how the past shapes the present – and helps them to move to the future they desire. Change or transition, what is the difference? The change/transition distinction is not sufficiently clear today. Change is your move to a new city or your shift to a different job, or to no job. It’s the birth of your new baby or the death of your mother. It’s the replacement of your Manager, or the acquisition of your company or the merger with another. So change is situational but transition on the other hand is psychological it is not about those events but it is about the inner re-orientation and self-redefinition that you have to go through in order to incorporate any of those changes into your life. Take a house move for example: the change is the transference of the furniture; the transition is the acceptance and adaptation to the change and without that, the change will not work. You can get set for the change to retirement by making financial preparations and creating a few interests without preparing yourself for the experience of being in transition. A Transition Coach accompanies you through this process and prepares you from every aspect of your life! To experience how Coaching could support you in your transtion from where you are now to where you need to be, I invite you to book a 30 minute complimentary strategy/exploratory call and let’s have a conversation – https://deborahrussellcoaching.as.me/freestrategy OR for more information on how I could support you please go to my website on deborah@deborahrussellcoaching.com

Whether you are a woman going back to a male-dominated workplace and are dreading the impending struggle. Whether your team is shrinking but the volume of work is rising. Whether your boss is demanding deadlines that cannot be met, or whether you relate to a fear of ‘life as usual’. All of these pressures will lead to a drain of energy that causes you stress in some form or another. Stress which alters your thoughts, your voice, your appearance, your decisions, your functionality and most of all YOU! France shuts down in the month of August. We go on our well-deserved sun-stained escapades, then return in force, fully refreshed and invigorated. Memories of our travels, related in colourful and vibrant conversations with friends and family, soon dissipate into a light mist as la rentrée sets in. With it, a fog of traffic queues, endless meetings and full inboxes, clutter our cleansed mind and body. So, what’s new? Well did you know that you ping pong back and forth through 7 levels of energy all day and during every day of your life?  You do this consciously or unconsciously.   Being aware that you have seven levels of energy around which you function is the first step to managing a buildup of stress. Levels of weak ego to levels of no ego; levels vibrating at the lowest of energetic frequency to those of the highest levels of anabolic energy.  Levels of no faith, trust or confidence to levels of deep inner knowing which needs no logical proof or material evidence.  So having your teams understand that there are different levels that work for and against them at different times will help them work better. They will produce higher results and they will be happier in their jobs and have a conscious control over emotions and feelings that are arising. Knowing the effects of your behaviour on others, as a boss, as a colleague or a friend, will guide you to a clearer communication with your team and your collaborators.  Not knowing makes you a blind leader! Understanding the reality, the facts and figures of how stress affects decision-making, communication and life longevity will be sufficiently enlightening for you to not want it destroying your life or YOU! The Energy Leadership Index Assessment (ELI) will raise your energetic presence in the moment once you’ve learned to speak the language about those 7 levels of energy yourself. You don’t need to speak French to learn the Language,  just be curious!   Deborah Russell, CPC, ELI-MP is a Certified Professional Leaders Coach whose work creates an open and trusting engagement with leaders and their teams from all walks of life. By consciously adapting how they’re using their energy, she inspires her clients to instinctively raise their energy in-the-moment thus reducing unnecessary negative stress.Deborah offers individual/group consultations and runs her own retreats alongside experienced  International peer Coaches, in tranquil surroundings where reflection and inspiration flows naturally. Learn more about Deborah and forthcoming retreats on her website: www.deborahrussellcoaching.com deborahrussellcoaching.com/paris-coaching-retreat/

Standing on the platform at Victoria station looking up at the destination board, a man called at me “where are you going love“, I wanted to say “I don’t know really, where do you recommend?” but then I laughed feeling elated at the kindness of the human mind, the spontaneity of thought, the curiosity of man and the speed at which we can be alone in our thinking and yet firmly connected to all that the universe provides. I’d felt alone, but human kindness had changed that thinking and how refreshing in such an environment of speed and bustle!  My thinking has turned to my recent reading of the three Principles of Mind, Consciousness and Thought and for this article in particular, Thought:  We know that there is nothing that comes behind Thought, it is unique to you and is what allows for the creation of all mental life; everything you think, perceive and feel. The Principle of Thought exists before your conceptual mind, it lies before or prior to any thoughts you hear in your head (those inner critical voices) and before any single one of your ideas or your beliefs (those blocks which cause procrastination and static behaviour) and also it lies before any label you attach to a person or a thing (your judgement). I thought about my day, my week-end and the changes that lay ahead and became quietly excited knowing that I have total control over the power of my thoughts, my light and my own creativity. The Principle of Thought allows you to look at the fact that the experience you feel is created from the energy within you. “Thought is not reality; yet it is through thought that our realities are created” – Sydney Banks The Principle of Consciousness allows you to look within towards the huge canvas of our awareness. The Principle of Mind allows you to look towards the source and intelligence within you that transcends your personal intelligence.  Next time I look up at a travel notice board (instead of my thinking ” I really do have navigational dyslexia”) I intend to think the thoughts that I am a vast being of limitless creativity, awareness and wisdom. I am my thoughts, my feelings, my behaviour and my body. It is normal for you to have thoughts about yourself, both positive and negative but it helps to realise that those thoughts you have are not ultimately true. When your thoughts become your identity, this becomes your ego.  Ego is a case of mistaken identity.  Finding your true self…                                                                                                 Your true self is the dimension of you that does not come and go and that does not vary and when you identify with ego, you believe wholeheartedly that your concepts are true. Remember when you were a baby you were free of the contamination of your negative conceptual thoughts. Ego’s view of life is a conceptual view of life and concepts are interpretation. Take today’s digital world; how often do we witness the mishmash impact of interpretation?  Ego does not recognise that these are just made up ideas.                        Consider also that you might have the idea “I am a good Manager” but “I can’t sing and I certainly can’t dance”.  An idea represents just one interpretation of an unlimited number of possibilities. It’s just a thought not a reality; it is an illusory reality that will change the moment it is replaced by another thought – the thought, “I can sing and I can dance” . One might add to that thought “well it’s going to take a long time”. I challenge you to question that thought with the thought “How true is that ”? Wedded to the Ego       When you become lock tight to your narrow and unsubstantial view of your conceptual mind you become positional, believing your view is the only view, the best view, or the fairest position. You stubbornly defend your view as the only right view, becoming stuck with this view, dogmatic and rigid, unwilling to change and arrogant in asserting that you are right and others are wrong. I believe that being wedded to ego’s world view is at the cause behind all personal, relational, political, international and religious conflicts and wars.  As you realise the nature of ego, you wake up to an expanded view of life, a sense of direction and a feeling of fulfilment.  Thank you to the kind man who inspired me at the station to share with you these three Principles of Mind, Consciousness and Thought and a heartfelt tribute to Sydney Banks and authors of ‘Coming Home’. Deborah Russell, Certified Professional Coach, ACC, ELI – Master Practitioner. Deborah is a Transition Coach for Women. She will inspire you, reassure you, accompany you in moving forward in your inner evolution. Her own Life and former Business experience as a Manager in the Hospitality Business and a Working Mum in a Man’s World has become the driving force behind her passion to provide a professional and dedicated Coaching service that raises energy, creates a vision, activates a gear shift and gets things moving … www.deborahrussellcoaching.com deborah@deborahrussellcoaching.com.    

How do you know if your personal boundaries are being crossed? It was when I first started learning about boundaries that I realised I had very few to speak of. What can happen is that when you have few or very weak boundaries, you develop the amazing talent of self-denial and then compliance plays games with your self-respect and the respect that others have for you. The irony also is that when we have weak boundaries, we think that our compassionate behaviour will gain the love and respect of others. It does not! Of course, people will enjoy your willing and generous nature, but their respect for you will diminish. This is a tough call for people pleasers! Yet, we talk about ‘empathy and compassion’ being crucial competencies for strong leaders, …so how do we get the balance between having emotional strengths and getting trodden on?  First look at some signs of imbalance: Do you- Have an ongoing anger with yourself or someone else? Apologize frequently to others? Stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy or return when you know you shouldn’t? Let others define you and allow them to control your existence? Seek the approval of others? Ignore challenges or stay quiet just to “keep the peace”? Have self-consciousness and social anxiety? Not notice when somebody else’s behaviour is inappropriate? Say yes when you want to say no, or no when you want to say yes? Put others needs ahead of your own and deal with their problems before yours? Not call out someone you feel mistreats or takes advantage of you? Spend time with people who drain you or who you don’t really want to be around? Expect others to know what you need without telling them?  We are talking boundaries here! Please understand that having personal boundaries is fine and they are necessary for emotional and physical safety as well as healthy relationships! Your own self-worth comes from honouring who you are and what you want and from living your life and not letting others live it for you. Boundaries protect your values; they keep you in alignment with what you have decided you want in life. If you do not know what you want in your relationship you are like a play dough toy that can be knocked into any shape desired, and you will conform to the other person’s agenda since you don’t have one for yourself.  It is no secret that psychopaths and other manipulators and abusers target those people with weak boundaries, and they excel at crossing weak boundaries, not strong ones. What boundaries might you need to set? Your boundaries could fit into the following categories: Concrete or material boundaries – decide whether you lend or give things to others- money, car, books, or food. e.g boundary: I will not lend money to anyone I have not known and trusted for many years. Emotional boundaries – have the freedom to express emotions without being made to feel guilty for having them and be allowed to express them in the way that feels comfortable without being lead to believe that you are the problem. e.g boundary: I will not go against my personal values, or tolerate abusive behaviour (belittling, humiliation, passive silent treatment such as eye rolling or yelling) Physical boundaries – these deal with your privacy, personal space, sexuality, and body. They determine who may enter that space, who may touch you and under what circumstances. e.g boundary: I will not make excuses for anyone’s harmful behaviour, and I will not accept the excuses of anyone displaying harmful behaviour either. Spiritual boundaries – your beliefs are yours to have and to hold. e.g boundary: I will not be forced into any religion or belief, cult, or society against my wishes. Getting to grips with one’s boundaries now is not saying we were at fault, it is about taking our experiences and our understandings and turning it into something that we can do something about to prevent further repetition. If you are involved with a manipulator or abuser or you want to prevent this from happening in the first place, let’s talk. Deborah Russell, Professional Certified Life and Business Coach, PCC, ICF If you’d like to make an appointment for a 15 minute confidential chat, contact me on deborah@deborahrussellcoaching.com or directly on my website https://www.deborahrussellcoaching.com/contact-us/

Have you come back from your summer holiday feeling like this? You were probably already feeling demotivated, confused, and unheard Here are 10 reasons why you may be feeling this way and 10 do-able suggestions: 1.You are not showing up daily with the highest possible level of energy, and if we measured your energetic profile, it may be revealingly low. Suggestion: Learn how you can raise your energetic profile and choose how you show up. 2.You believe that everybody should think and process information and make decisions in the same way that you do and so you cannot understand why they do not function like you. Suggestion: When you understand how you and others around you are cabled, your approach to them changes completely, and the difference is extraordinary! 3.You are struggling to communicate in a way that shows empathy or compassion and it shows in your behaviour towards others; some people may have commented. Suggestion: Raising your EQ (otherwise known as emotional quotient or emotional intelligence is the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict. It is the greatest contributor to Leadership, it is the key to your future success and to the development of those around you, (team and family) WHY wait for more comments? 4.You may be having difficulties in communicating in a second language and so information takes longer to process, and people give up on you. Suggestion: Learning to assert yourself in another language requires skill and self-belief; you absolutely have that waiting to surface, you may need to work with a language coach. 5.You are searching for team players to co-operate, but they seem to be unfocussed and disengaged. Suggestion: Strong ‘Energy Leadership’ requires a “we all win, or we don’t play” mind set. It is time to look at the mindset of your team. 6.You are surrounded by too many people that simply drag you down. Suggestion: Consider how you are serving yourself by being surrounded by people who drain every ounce of energy from you because you think you should be there to please. 7.You do not have enough clarity to drive yourself forwards, whilst you may know something about values, your (or your company’s) goals are confused, and your objectives seem to change like the wind. Suggestion: Planning and goal setting is not everybody’s forte however it is essential for giving direction and clarity and communication around this is key. 8.The unprecedented effects of Covid-19 on daily routine has left you flummoxed around what is important to you today. Suggestion: Time to stop making other people’s objectives urgent and make yours ‘important AND urgent’ instead. 9.You have a boss who micro-manages you and you feel that you cannot make decisions without constant authorisation or discussion. Suggestion: Managing upwards is not always evident as a strategy but it can be extremely effective when handled constructively with discretion and compassion. 10.You feel overwhelmed and bogged down with detail and you have become an expert in procrastination and firefighting. Suggestion: You are not alone! A SIMPLE daily priority management system that works for you is only a 15minute strategy call away… If more than 4 of these reasons for not being heard sound familiar to you then the first step is to TALK about this with somebody who connects from the heart and HEARS you well. I provide high quality, (structured and affordable), supportive and heart-felt coaching programmes that work and help you build the impact you want to have around you. You will develop your communication abilities whilst connecting to your objectives with good emotional and energetic sense. Unlike most quick-fix training programmes, my Coaching method is sustainable, and it is fast so you can make a positive influence and feel a lot less stress in your life NOW! Let us talk now about something that suits YOU best. Deborah Russell, Professional Certified Coach, PCC, ICF, Energy Leadership and MBTI Master Practitioner. If you’d like to make an appointment for a 15 minute chat, contact me on deborah@deborahrussellcoaching.com or directly on my website https://www.deborahrussellcoaching.com/contact-us/

If asked the question, “What was your greatest pain?” or conversely “What was your greatest love?” What would you say? Both questions could mean the same thing when you are looking at pain positively and as some sort of gift. Have you ever dug deep and asked yourself about your childhood or queried who you are today? I was born and brought up in the Netherlands where my father was a Lecturer in International Business English. I had a bilingual childhood where I thought and spoke in two languages. My mother never left the house as she suffered agoraphobia.  School bullying. I was bullied at school for being ‘the English girl’ in my class, until I moved to the UK for a few years, due to my eldest sister needing urgent surgical treatment on her hips. There, I remember being bullied again for no real reason other than I was the stranger, moving back and forth between countries. #storytelling Family crises. At 13, I learned that my uncle drowned at sea, crushed between a rescue tanker and his sailing boat after losing his boat’s rudder in a storm. My aunt later suffered early and severe dementia from the extreme trauma.  Just after my 21st birthday, my father died after battling for years with Polycythaemia. Only 6 years later, my 29-year-old sister, who was training to be a midwife, was killed. She was driving home after a night shift, having just delivered a premature 1lb baby. The baby was later buried in the same cemetery, next to her grave. I remember abandoning a training course to go and identify her broken body.  A few years on, I remember hearing the news of my aunt, a hospital matron in Zimbabwe, who was killed in a fatal car accident that Christmas. Her car was then looted, as was the home she left behind.  Another dear aunt, devoted to her husband, took her own life by walking into the sea. Her husband was terminally ill in hospital and she knew she did not want to continue life without him. Today, my mother is battling with Alzheimer and often doesn’t recognise me.  Why tell this story? Am I in any way the victim of these tragedies? The answer is, “absolutely not”.  I believe, like many, that I have to experience pain to have true empathy for others. If I dig deep and I reflect on these events in my life, I can turn them around to be a gift of empathy for the world; a gift I might never have had otherwise. Though I do NOT suggest that the misfortune of my own family is my gift, I do see however that these events rewired me and that I have been gifted with something unique, even if I didn’t really know what that was until I changed my career. Recently, I was asked to look at my life in eight-year periods. For each period, I was asked to trace my deepest pain. I was then asked to share what I had gained from it. I was able to do this with every period, until I reached the last one. Reminiscing my earliest memories, I recalled my mother’s clients visiting her at home. She was a Psychotherapist at the time. I remember their anxieties and their sadness. Some suffered hair loss and smoked like there was no tomorrow. Others did not want to live anymore. I remember learning this reality at such a young age. It would hurt and frighten me just to know that this kind of torment existed. It was easy to see the gift in this as I started to develop my interpersonal sensitivity very early in childhood.  In the last 8 years however, I felt it too difficult to find a gift – a diamond in the embers of a cruel and painful divorce battle. But when I analysed the growth and learning within that process, I can confirm that it gets easier when you apply this process of reframing pain. #health “Everything is shiny and good because it is” I wouldn’t say that I am a ‘super optimist’, but I now have the gift to become one without pretending to believe that ‘everything is shiny and good because it is’, but because I have a genuine belief that whatever happens to me makes me better and I believe this in a true, grounded way. #emotionalintelligence So, if asked the question, “What was your greatest pain?” or conversely, “What was your greatest love?” Both questions could mean the same thing when you are looking at pain positively and as some sort of gift.  In a recent podcast between Andy Grammar and Simon Sinek, they talk about the difference between post-traumatic stress and post-traumatic growth. They explain that these are fundamentally the same thing, depending on which way you view the post trauma, whether you view the experience of post-trauma as one of stress, or growth. It brought to mind the following quote from Victor Frankl:  “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”  So, we cannot control the circumstances around us, but what we can control is how we choose to react to them. We make the choice to come out ‘broken or growing‘.  My gift to you would be to ask you to carve a little ball of love and meaning during these times. If you start to view things and people through different lenses you see things more clearly.  The moment you give service you move the spotlight from yourself and watch humanity, gratitude and purpose evolve. When you see ‘pain as a gift’ you start to use that gift and watch yourself grow! Do you have your own example where you converted your pain into a gift? What is holding you back from transforming your pains to a gift which will help you grow? #success Deborah Russell, Professional Certified Coach – Life Transition, PCC, ICF If you’d like to make an appointment for a confidential 15 minute discovery