One of the new ICF’s (International Coaching Federation) coaching competencies is – ‘Embody a Coaching Mindset’ and something came up for me whilst coaching one of my clients this week (let’s call him Simon). I’d like to share this experience:
Simon had been talking for some time on a subject that he had said he was NOT going to discuss. After a very long and emotional time presenting his years of abuse and real deep bitterness and sadness for what had gone on, I found myself feeling some judgement creeping in as well as a fear that I was beginning to make a judgement. Years ago I might have thought “I know what he needs to do”…”I think I’ll just tell him” but no, I knew that I had to hold that space in silence and keep it a safe one to see what would come up next…
After what may have seemed like 2 minutes awkward and long silence, I instinctively shared what seemed to be coming up for my client and allowed him in his own time to correct me with a kind of, “that’s not it” “this is it” response. It was then that I knew that I had given the safest space for my client to correct me, and in doing so he had come up with his own conclusion with which to become more accepting and to shift some of that painful and negative energy he had been hanging onto. #abusiverelations
The power of gentle and compassionate silence is a hugely effective way for anybody wanting to get the most out of a relationship with another person. If you are somebody who likes to get your word in and make your point because ‘being right’ is important to you, stop there…and listen … pause and then acknowledge what you have understood as best you can.
Practise the power of silence and see the results. #emotionalintelligence #relationshipbuilding
Deborah Russell PCC, is an Executive Coach supporting Leaders dealing with challenging relationships. You can arrange a free call in confidence on deborah russell’s contact-us page and for more information about her work please go to her website.